7 Qualities of every Relationship


Can their ever be a love-life like that of Romeo and Juliet. Well, what even makes that of Romeo and Juliet special – it involves life. It was a relationship with the quality never found anywhere. It was a tragedy in the sense of ready to sacrifice a life after Romeo couldn’t continue with Juliet on earth, and then Heaven shouldn’t also reject their relationship. It was one a partner believes the person he is with is the best and therefore there is no better person in this life again for him. Similarly, the lady couldn’t have imagined spending the rest of her life with somebody different from Romeo, and they just can and had to do what can make them not miserable on earth and be able to continue their love-life in the other world.

The story can be fictional, unreal, or thereabout, with no statistical evidence, nothing proves that such scenario isn’t possible or hasn’t occurred somewhere else. Let us quickly recap the story of Romeo and Juliet;

The play dramatizes the fate of two young lovers whose tragic deaths are brought about by feuding between their families and by their own passionate temperaments.

The play opens in the Italian city of Verona, where the families of Montague and Capulet are engaged in a bitter feud. Romeo, the heir of the Montagues, loves Rosaline. Discovering that Rosaline has been invited to a Capulet banquet, Romeo attends in disguise. There, he meets and falls in love with Juliet, the beautiful daughter of the Capulets. They kiss, initially not realizing their families are enemies. Romeo slips into the Capulet orchard at night and overhears Juliet confessing her love for him on her balcony. Romeo identifies himself, and they pledge eternal love despite the hostility of their families. They are secretly married the next day by the benevolent Friar Laurence.

Shortly afterward Romeo encounters Tybalt, who is a Capulet, and an exchange of insults escalates into a brawl. Romeo’s friend Mercutio is mortally wounded by Tybalt; Romeo then kills Tybalt. The Prince of Verona banishes Romeo from the city. Romeo spends his last night with Juliet and then leaves in the morning for exile in Mantua. 

Juliet’s father orders her to marry Count Paris within three days. Juliet, in desperation, goes to Friar Laurence, who gives her a potion that puts her into a deathlike sleep. Believed to be dead, she is placed in the Capulet burial vault, while the friar sends a letter to Romeo to take her away when she awakens. In Mantua, Romeo hears of Juliet’s death, but the letter from Friar Laurence never reaches him. Romeo believes that Juliet is truly dead and resolves to die beside her. 

He rushes back to Verona and breaks into the tomb, drinks poison, and dies beside the sleeping Juliet. When Juliet awakens, she finds Romeo’s body and stabs herself with his dagger. The Montagues and Capulets arrive at the tomb, where Friar Laurence explains the tragic events. They realize the disastrous effect of their feud and are at last reconciled….’ – excerpts from Encarta

This is a short recap of the tragedy and where can you find such love again. Is it stupidity or true love???….you can answer that.

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Back to the aim of the article, we will quickly identify the intrigues of relationship, the bitter truths, the expectations and ups and downs;

#1 Relationship is for matured people
According to James Weldon Johnson, ‘the time of the psychological passing over from boyhood to manhood is a movable feast. The legal date fixed on the twenty-first birthday has little or no connection with it. There are men in their teens, and there are boys in their forties’. Age doesn’t define maturity; we trulyhave adult in children bodies and children in adult bodies. However, age is still very important in a relationship. Relationship is for people that can control themselves; relationship is not for everybody.

One of the parameters of a successful relationship is maturity. It must be between two people that can handle situations, can handle breakup, people that can handle ups and downs and people that can let go without bad blood. Sometimes, things happen in the relationship that is enough to let go, however, maturity will crave for your patience in order to handle things. You won’t need to rush to get things done. Therefore, the success of your relationship is a function of the maturity of the people involved. It is seldom indeed that one parts on good terms, because if one were on good terms one would not part - Marcel Proust.

#2 You can’t get the perfect person
The question to ask is if there is actually a perfect person. And the truth is no perfect person. You can actually be able to get what you want, but know there will be something you don’t want in that person. You can’t have it all; it is possible he is brilliant but not intelligent, hardworking but not rich, handsome but not smart, she can be beautiful but not tall, smart but not serious, cooperative but aggressive and all the likes.

No one has it all, we all have our strengths and weaknesses, we all have what makes us humans after all. Never expect a hundred percent of character in your partner even if you are a perfectionist. If you see the things you don’t like in your partner, the best thing to do is to try and call his or her attention to it, address it together, explain why the thing is wrong and why you don’t like it, patiently watch for adjustments and if there is none, don’t force it, peacefully leave when you can no longer cope, it is allowed.

#3 All relationships don’t end in marriage
Yes, all relationships don’t end in marriage. This is the major reason why you should never force a relationship. There are times people you like don’t like you, and there are times people you don’t like actually want you. How do you then reconcile these unwanted differences? Immediately you discover your partner isn’t what you always know about him or her, or, the relationship sounds or looks like you are dating yourself or courting yourself, then it is time to call it quit.

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Just the time you discover your partner doesn’t hunger for you anymore, he or she doesn’t feel or wish like seeing you, your chats have started suffering, the replies are now short messages, ignores, uninteresting chats, then, the door of the relationship is getting opened. The chance of a relationship ending in marriage is also the same chances of it ending in a breakup. Always leave when the ovation is loudest, leave when your head is high, leave with respect and dignity, leave in a way you will be missed, it might be painful after all, but you become a nuisance where you are not wanted. Always know when to quit.

#4 The only constant thing is change
Don’t be surprised when the angel you used to know suddenly become a beast. Don’t panic too much when the caring lovey-dovey man refused to show up for dates or rendezvous; humans change. One of the things we foolishly allow to cover our eyes during relationship is love, and this in exchange makes us lose our sense or rationality. When you get blindfolded with love, you will become weak in the relationship and you will be taken advantage of. 

We most times let love cover our eyes and overlook the shortcomings of our partners. When your partner is overly aggressively, gets angry unnecessarily, doesn’t exchange gifts even when you give most times, is not homely, not hardworking or things like such, and you because of love think such person will change in marriage, then you are playing with your life and future.

Character is a smoke, and no matter how people try to cover it, it will find its way out. There are little things your partner does before marriage but you allowed love to blindfold you, now, he or she rubs it to your face and you said your partner changed, no, he didn’t change, you just didn’t pay attention. It has always been there but you allowed love to blind you. What you cannot stop during relationship or courtship will never stop in marriage. Do your best now, if it is not enough to bring out the best in your partner, kindly let go.

#5 Relationship is not bed of roses, understanding is key
According to Rainer Maria Rilke, ‘Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue to exist, a wonderful living side by side can grow up, if they succeed in loving the distance between them’. Life doesn’t give us what we want; it only gives us what we deserve. We can’t always get what we want from life. No relationship can boast of a hundred percent peace or tranquility. As much as there is time for all the love in Tokyo, there is also the time where differences set in. of course, we are from different backgrounds, brought up by different parents, different environments, different people around you, therefore, why should your thoughts, actions be the same.

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Never expect a hundred percent from your partner; do not expect them to think like you or act like you, they can’t love like you or eat like you, they can’t be hardworking like you and they can’t be as smart as you are. These are the things that bring up disagreements and quarrels in a relationship, however, understanding is key. Knowing and understanding your partner is the best gift you could offer him or her. Understanding his or her strengths and weaknesses will help you to understand why they behave sometimes. 

When misunderstanding comes, it is not the time to part ways, how many people do you want to date before you get it right. It is maturity that will help and guide both of you to sort out your differences. Always know there will be storms, temptations, tribulations; fighting through it is the duty of the both of you and not one person. When they come like that, see them as the test of time, one that is there to test how much you love and care for your partner and the relationship. Remember, if the cattle are scattered, the tiger seizes them.

Dialogue is a prerequisite at the face-to-face level for any helping relationship’ - Edgar H. Schein

#6 Anything can happen
What we think it is, it isn’t, and what we think it isn’t, it is’. Yes, anything can happen in the relationship. While you hope for the best in your relationship, always expect the worst too. This will increase your shock absorbing strength and prepare you for future outbreak. Don’t put too much trust in your partner because people disappoint. People that commit suicide after a relationship failure or breakup are the weak ones that have put their all in the relationship; they have so much trusted their partner and they have packed all their eggs in one basket. 

They have literally lost all their values when they were with that partner and they lost hope on a successful subsequent relationship. These people think they can’t get people like such partners again or they must get back all they put in that relationship. Always know anything can happen in a relationship. It may go the way you want it and it may go the other way round. It’s not necessary you are pessimistic of your relationship, but always retain your value so that if it works, your own good, if it doesn’t, your benefit.

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#7 Tolerance is very important
Finally, tolerance is very important in a successful relationship. Two people that hate each other can live together for years as long as they can tolerate each other. A relationship that will work must be one where the partners tolerate each other. We are bound to do mistakes, when it comes and after feeling bad and saying sorry, the other partner should let go. Tolerate some irritable actions of your partner as long as those actions don’t hurt you or the relationship. 

Things like your partner regurgitates, snores when sleeping, doesn’t know how to save money like you and some others are things one can put up with. They are things one should not end a relationship for. They are things that allow adjustments and things can be done right with time. Therefore, you must learn to tolerate your partner as much as you can bear it; this cements love and relationship. It increases trusts and makes everyone at peace. When you correct your partner, it should be done in love and not with shout, anger or aggressiveness. Make your partner see reasons why what he or she is doing is wrong, let them make the adjustments on their own, and before you know it, you are both doing fine.

The family that prays together stays together – Anonymous. 

We hope you have learnt one or two things, please look back on your relationship, see the things you are not doing right and make adjustments. Do not forget to share this article, you can leave a comment and you can contact us if you have questions, suggestions and adverts.

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  1. The introduction was overwhelming. Thanks for sharing sir Able. I will try to adhering especially on the aspect of tolerance.